Painful Departure, Horrifying Return
by anderberrybros
Summary: He had left her. And he wasn't coming back. All she had left of him were material possessions and her bittersweet memories... Or so she thought. // TōshirōXOC // gift!fic for Aiedail's Scepter
1. Reminiscing the Days of Halcyon

She could not get it out of her head how these small objects could mean so much to her. It was but a simple set of marbles; one white, one black. She sat underneath the umbrella, leaning against the tree, listening to the slow drops of water hitting the nylon material unevenly. She sighed.

Why was it that she was so obsessed over these two small insignificant items? Mere marbles, nothing more than orbs put together by compounds for the use of a silly game. And yet, she would protect them at the cost of her life. Why did she feel such a way? She was confused, her eyes covered by the snowy follicles as they flew in front of her face.

She sighed once again. She seemed to be in such a negative and griseous mood lately…

"Aria…?"

She looked up, giving a half-way grin at her Fuku-taichou.

"Hello, Rangiku-san…"

Matsumoto Rangiku sighed unhappily. The black umbrella matched the short black dress that she was wearing; for once, it was a turtleneck.

"I see… The Two Marbles?" She walked forward and sat next to the young lady, grinning behind her red lipstick. Her black waterproof mascara was beginning to come off.

"Y-Yeah… I've been thinking so hard about what to do… Now that they're together again…"

Rangiku stared into Miyamoto Aria's deep emerald eyes.

"… Do you know why Hitsugaya-taichou seemed so sad when he last saw you?" Rangiku asked, her eyes a darker shade than her usually joyous ones.

"Because he knew what was about to befall him." She sighed, adjusting herself against the rough tree bark.

"No… Because he knew how you would respond."

Aria froze, her eyes locked with her Fuku-taichou's. Her Taichou… Her precious Taichou… She wouldn't believe it!

-+-+-

"_Miyamoto." Said girl looked up, smiling behind her book. She had finished her work early, and was enjoying a simple romance story showcasing a young Shinigami named Aikaze Shii, who was caught up in a twist of adventure, romance and betrayal by the very man who had killed her, named Hamagichi. It was a very interesting read._

"_Yes, Taichou?" She put the book down, and gestured for him to sit down on the floor in front of her. He complied, lowering his clothing down to his waist. Aria began smoothing out his tense muscles._

"_I haven't seen you in a while." He stated, relaxing quickly in the presence of his Sanseki._

"_You have been incredibly busy with your paperwork, Taichou. Rangiku-san told me I should just let you be for a while."_

_She heard him sigh heavily, muttering something about Rangiku. She giggled slightly._

"…_Miyamoto?" Aria paused, her smooth hands moving up to his chin, making him face her as she hovered over him. She smiled slightly as his face was calmer than she'd seen in a long while._

"_Is there something you wish to tell me, Taichou?" She asked quietly, her fingers running up and down his neck and torso. The man sighed, his eyes closing as his mouth twitched upwards peacefully. Aria could almost hear a purr resounding from her superior._

"_Actually… There is…" He reached up to her hands, placing his own over hers. She smiled softly._

_"Go on, Taichou…" She urged him, and he opened his eyes. Aria gasped quietly upon this, his eyes looking pained. He stood up and sat next to her on the couch, his hand covering her cheek. Aria relaxed into his touch as she covered his hand with hers. Her other hand reached up to his shoulder and gently moved up along his neck, up to his jaw, his cheek…_

"_Aria…" He whispered out, surprising her. He never called her by her given name… Her hand moved up to his forehead, checking for a fever of some sort._

"_I'm not sick… I just want you to know I'm completely serious right now…" Aria nodded her head slowly._

"_Taichou…?" He sighed, his hand moving from her cheek to her neck. Aria's eyes widened as his head moved forward, along with hers. Her lips were centimeters from his as she stared into his downcast gaze. Something in her clicked, and she pushed him away by his shoulder. He stared up at her in shock._

"… _You don't want this." She stated, her green eyes determined despite looking as if she were in deep pain._

"_Would I be doing it if I didn't?" He whispered, his eyes turning hard. Aria gazed at him, biting her lip._

"… _Something's going to happen… Isn't it…?"_

_Tōshirō's eyes softened once again._

"_I'm sorry…" He murmured quietly, distancing himself from her. Aria felt an iron taste in her mouth as she realized she had bit her lip too hard._

"… _Hitsugaya-taichou… I trust you, I really do…" She could sense him getting tense and forced herself to finish what she was saying._

"_It is expected of someone to trust their Taichou." He murmured softly._

"_Even so… I trust you more than that." Aria pushed herself. "I… I would trust you with _everything_ I have, Taichou…"_

_Tōshirō finally realized what she was saying, his eyes widening tremendously as a blush covered his cheeks. He gazed into her troubled eyes. He was silent for a moment._

"_No."_

_Aria looked away from his eyes and to the ground beneath her. She felt… Rejected._

"_I know that you can sense it, Aria…" She continued to stare at the ground below her as he talked. "I know that you can sense… Something big is going to happen… And that's why you want to. But…"_

_Aria finally looked up into his eyes, her arms moving up and around his neck as she placed her head on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen, but relaxed herself when he placed his arms around her waist._

"_I'm sorry…" She whispered to him. It has been so… Uncharacteristic for her to ask such a thing… Yet she felt such a sense of overwhelming doom._

"_It's okay…" He whispered back._

_They stayed like that until sunrise._

_-+-+-_

"I… I love him, Rangiku-san…" She whispered, the black marble in her hand seemingly staring at her. She let out a barely audible dry sob.

Rangiku stared at her empathetically. She knew the feeling of loving someone and not having it returned…

"Why did he have to… To…" Rangiku hushed her, her arm wounding around Aria's shoulders.

-+-+-

"_MIYAMOTO!" Said woman let out a soft scream, turning to the door. There stood a shirtless Hitsugaya Tōshirō, fuming. Aria's eyes widened before she jumped up, grinned, and ran passed her Taichou out the door. Tōshirō twitched, turning around and running after her._

_It was rather easy to catch up with her, after all. She was way too clumsy._

_She tripped over seemingly nothing, her hands falling in front of her as she tried to catch herself. She eyed the door next to her, barrel rolled when she hit the ground, and skid into the room._

_No _way_ would her Taichou go into the Women's Spa._

_She ran into the actual Spa area, not knowing if she were happy or upset that no one was using the Spa. She stopped to catch her breath and calm her heart._

_She was suddenly pushed forward, flying forward into the spring. She screamed out as the burning water hit her tender skin and jumped up, waist-down in the water. She glared up at the person who pushed her, only to see her Taichou standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and a vein pulsing on his forehead._

"_You idiotic little girl…" He growled out, suddenly appearing on the other side of the pool and pulling Aria's soaking body out of the water and up against the wall. "Where did you put it?!"_

_Aria twitched, noting how close he actually was to her and how she decided to wear a kimono today. Such an idiotic move…_

"_I-I don't know what you're talking about…" She tried the excuse, only to receive a growl._

"_Liar! I know you moved my shitagi, kosode and the top of my hakama!"_

"_How, if I happened to, do you know?" She asked him. He froze before his cheeks heated slightly. Aria resisted smirking at the action._

"_I'm the one asking the questions here."_

"_Yes, you and your _Frozen Passion_." She giggled lightly, grabbing his arms and releasing herself. "Sorry, Taichou, but maybe if you grew a few inches yo—"_

"_I AM _NOT_ SHORT!" He yelled, furious._

"_Yes, yes, of course." She laughed. "Well, I need to go change. See you, Taichou!~"_

_Tōshirō stood there, watching her leave, angrily. He then started walking back to his Office, and was halfway there before he realized what Aria had done._

"_MIYAMOTO!"_

_-+-+-_

"Calm down, Aria-chan…" She said, looking up at the tree they were sitting under. Daffodils surrounded them, the yellow bulbs shrunken. Rangiku sighed.

"… The plants are sad, too…" She whispered it softly, reaching over to a daffodil. "They want their Taichou…"

Rangiku's eyes began to water, biting her lip. Aria glanced up at her, smiling softly.

"It's… Okay… Rangiku-san…"

Rangiku began to wail loudly, curling up on the ground and hugging onto Aria for dear life as she began to shed tears for the first time after hearing the news. Aria absently remarked to herself how Rangiku seemed to be just like the weather… The water falling from the sky seemed to intensify upon Rangiku's tears.

Aria rubbed Rangiku's hair, sighing. Her mind drifted back to a time so long ago…

_-+-+-_

"_What's this one, Miyamoto?" Aria grinned, looking down at the blue flower. She bent down, touching the petals gently. The inside was a beautiful shade of lavender, with what seemed to be glitter surrounding it._

"_It's the Scarlet Pimpernel." She spoke softly, looking up at the man above her. "They're widely known for being the symbol for the fictional hero, _The Scarlet Pimpernel_, one of the books from the Real World."_

_She blinked slowly, examining the flower closer. "Hmm… They're not supposed to be in bloom during Winter, especially this late…"_

_The man standing above her blinked. She seemed to be at such peace… He laughed softly, causing her to look up at him in curiosity._

"_Nothing, Miyamoto…" Tōshirō said, smiling softly. She simply grinned, looking back at the flower innocently._

"_What about this one…?"_

_Aria grinned, turning her attention to the flower._

"_This is an__ Ardisia japonica!"_

_Tōshirō listening to her interestedly, enjoying the company of the energetic girl next to him._

-+-+-

"I think that I'm going to lie down…" Aria bit the inside of her cheek, glancing at the calmed girl next to her. After a whole half-hour of crying, she had calmed down enough to begin to breathe somewhat normally. Rangiku breathed in a shaky breath.

"Alright… I'll check up on you in two hours…" Aria nodded her head, standing up and reached down for Rangiku's hand, pulling her up. She wiped her eyes with her Shihakushō's sleeve for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"… Thank you, Aria…" She whispered, looking down at the woman. Aria looked up at her attempting a grin as she tightened the grip on the two marbles in her hand.

"… Yeah, Rangiku-san… Thank you, too…"

-+-+-

"_What's this, Taichou?" Aria blinked as she sat on his bed, cradling one of her legs with her arm. She looked at the white marble in her hand, puzzled as to why her Taichou had given it to her._

"_It's just something small I thought I'd get you," he responded carefully. Aria blinked._

"_Thank you…" She was confused at the gift, but felt grateful he even knew._

"_And, also…" She looked up at him, grinning minimally. "I got one for me, too."_

_Aria blinked, looking at the black one in his tanned hand._

"_Is there a meaning behind this, Taichou?" She grinned at him._

"_Now we can always be connected, eh…?"_

_Aria stared up at him before tackling him in a hug._

"_Thank you, Taichou…!"_

"_Happy birthday, Aria…"_

_-+-+-_

Aria lay in her Taichou's bed, her mind wandering as she stared at the ceiling. There was a knock on the door and Aria sighed.

The door opened, Aria glancing at the man.

"Why'd you knock? This is your room."

He laughed softly, closing the door behind him before walking forward and sitting on the edge of the bed. Aria—her left arm over her stomach and her right under her head—stared up at him apathetically.

"So, you've finally decided to take the bed?" He removed the black polo over his head, Aria glancing to the side. His snowy hair rustled slightly, a great comparison to his tanned skin.

"No, I'm still going to sleep on the floor. You just need to get back here. _I reject_." Tōshirō glanced over at her, cocking an eyebrow.

"Are you trying to be Inoue-san now?"

She laughed.

"I don't want to be her. She's such an _odd_ Shinigami… If you could call her a Shinigami."

Tōshirō's eyes turned to the side. "You know, I knew her before she died."

Aria's emerald eyes swiveled to his face. "Seriously? What was she like?"

Tōshirō laughed. "She was _very_ much like Matsumoto… Do you remember me telling you about the Winter War?"

Aria grinned. "Yeah! It was so long ago, though… Was she alive or dead then?"

"She was alive, that's for sure…" He responded carefully. Aria raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure? You don't sound sure." He turned toward her, annoyed.

"I'm positive, Miyamoto." She shrugged her shoulder.

"Just checking!" He half-laughed, falling on the bed next to her. She looked to her side toward him.

"So… Do you want to tell me what was going through your mind when you went and got yourself killed?" She asked. He seemed to stiffen before his teal eyes glanced at her seriously.

"I… Don't know." He responded. Aria stared at him with annoyance.

"Yeah, sure. You're a genius, Taichou. You can't _not _know."

Tōshirō moaned. "Not true, Miyamoto, not true…"

"Oh? What's one thing that you _don't_ know, then?" She grinned as he seemed to freeze. "Nothing, right?"

"You." She froze herself.

'_Not again… No…'_

"W… What do you mean…?" She asked him cautiously.

"I don't know you, Aria." She scoffed.

"Crazy. You've known me for how long now? I mean, I can do my _Bankai_. I'd say I've known you long enough for you to _know_ me."

"Then why can't I tell how you're feeling right now?" She looked into his clouded eyes, reaching for his cheek.

"… I want to tell you something." He sat up, the muscles in his stomach ripping. Aria sat up as well, staring at his face and ignoring his fabulous body.

"Yes?"

"I love you, Hitsugaya Tōshirō."

His eyes widened.

"And I always will."

She stared at Tōshirō, who sighed.

"… I'm dead, Miyamoto… You can't love someone who's dead."

The illusion disappeared, the force of what he said finally hitting her.

And her heart shattered.

* * *

**Ahaha... Merry Christmas, Kitty-chan... I know you like my angst (my favourite genre of all!) soo... I made this! If you want, I can make a happier one. :P Nonetheless, I hope you liked it! :]**


	2. Return of the Halcyon Days

It had been ten years since she received the news. Her mind didn't fully comprehend what she had been told until a week after hearing those fateful words.

"_Hitsugaya Tōshirō, Taichou of the Jūbantai, has passed away."_

She had reminisced over the tranquil days she had had with him. The best times of her life were with him.

And then… She had gone into denial. She refused to believe that he was gone. It was _impossible_.

She saw him walk in the room they shared. They talked just like they always had. Everything had felt _normal_ for her.

She confessed to him that she loved him. She told him that she always would.

"… _I'm dead, Miyamoto… You can't love someone who's dead."_

He had told her that—the illusion him, at least. And then he had disappeared, and her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

Weeks went by that she refused to come out of her Taichou's room. She just couldn't stand the pain—people would pass by the door and hear her carrying on a conversation with no one. She would pretend that he was there.

She was _never_ the same.

I loved her myself. I always would. She was the little sister I would never have.

But then, one day, something that no one in the entire Jūbantai—not even me—wanted, but had to accept, happened.

There was a new Taichou assigned.

And her name was Matsumoto Rangiku.

_Me._

-+-+-+-+-

"Taichou, these papers need your signatures on them."

I stared at the foot-high stack of papers, exhaustion overcoming my body by the mere sight.

"Can't I—"

"No."

I groaned, staring into the emerald eyes of my Fuku-taichou. She stared back, not even blinking under my commanding gaze. Then again, I didn't expect her to.

"I'm the Taich—" She cut me off by placing the stack of papers on my desk loudly. I twitched.

"Matsumoto-_taichou_," she began, sighing. "I will _not_ let you go out drinking with Kira and Hisagi and leave me with the paperwork _twice_ in the _same day_."

"Aria-chaaan, stop calling me by my last name!" I whined, crossing my arms under my chest. She raised an eyebrow, her hands on her hips.

"Excuse me, Taichou, but it's only respec—"

"You're _dis_respecting me by not abiding to my wishes!" I countered, not allowing her to finish her sentence.

Miyamoto Aria sighed, falling down on the couch behind her.

"_Please_ just do the paperwork? All of those require a _Taichou's_ signature. I've done all the paperwork that doesn't require a Taichou's signature."

I blinked.

"Seriously?"

She nodded her head wearily. I sighed, picking up a pen and beginning to go through the stack.

"… Is there anything I won't like in here, or do I just have to sign them?" Aria laughed quietly.

"I have another stack two feet high that I didn't see as a necessity, if you wish to go through them."

I quickly began to sign my name on the papers, not even wanting to think of twice as much more paperwork.

"… Thanks, Aria…" She opened her eyes, nodding at me.

"It's my duty as a Fuku-taichou to help the Taichou out whenever necessary." I flinched. Even though I knew she wasn't trying to say anything bad about me, it still hurt.

"Oh, yes. Soifon-taichou asks if you will be attending the Shinigami Women's Association Meeting." I sighed, looking down at her. A small black notebook was in her hands and she held a pen. I resisted a smile as she reminded me of Ise Nanao.

"Yes… You can tell her I will be. It's our turn to also provide refreshments, is it not?" She stiffly nodded. "Alright, I'll have Sawahata prepare some…"

"Okay, Rangiku-taichou." I grinned up at her, watching her mouth twitch upwards slightly.

"Anything else?" I asked, returning to the evil paperwork.

She hummed for a moment before responding. "Yamamoto-sou-taichou wishes to speak with you tomorrow at five AM."

I swear my heart skipped a beat.

"In the _morning_?"Aria nodded her head, and I let out a groan of frustration.

"… Please tell Shūhei-kun that I can't come drinking tonight…" My head fell on the table.

"Yes, Taichou." I could hear her scribbling in the pad swiftly. "Should I prepare a wake-up call for you?"

I sighed. "Yes, please…"

"Alright. Is four AM early enough for you?" I think I just died a little inside.

"Y-Yes…"

I heard her get up from the couch, and walk in front of the desk. Her hand was placed on my head, moving my hair behind my ear. I sighed.

"… I'll be back to check on you in half an hour. Please, Rangiku-taichou, _please_ do the paperwork."

She lingered at the door for a moment.

"… Did you notice?"

I looked up at her, my eyes widening as I saw the look I hoped to never see again.

"Aria-cha—"

"Tomorrow… Is the… Anniversary…" She whispered out, her voice cracking halfway. I looked to the calendar, realizing what she said was true.

Tomorrow will be the Tenth Anniversary of Hitsugaya Tōshirō's death.

"… Aria-chan…"

"R-Rangiku…" My bottom lip began to quiver. All the emotions I had kept locked up inside seemed to come crashing down on me all at once. And, by the distraught look on Aria's face, I could imagine it was just that much worse.

I stood up, walking over to the small woman. She was nearly four foot five now—still very short, but taller than she had been ten years ago.

"I… _He's not dead_…" Her most famous phrase. She was in pure denial, and she was never going to come out of it.

"… Ari—"

"They never found his body, do you remember? They lost radio contact with him and have never been able to find him! Where's the _proof_?"

My eyes stung at her words.

"His… Haori… It was covered in_ his blood_, Aria…!"

"Hitsugaya Tōshirō is _alive_!"

-+-+-+-+-

I stared at his face—every detail, every aspect of it: the tanned skin, the commanding eyes, the familiar scowl—it was matured, but _it was the same_.

"What is this, Yamamoto-sou-taichou? Some sick joke?" I bit out, staring at the man in distaste. This was a _lie_.

"This is no joke, Matsumoto-taichou." The gravelly voice of Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto, the oldest and strongest member of the Gotei Jūsan, spoke. I laughed harshly.

"This man is an imitation. There is _no way_ he is who he is trying to appear as." I growled. Yamamoto-sou-taichou continued to stare at me.

"What reason would I have for lying to you?" He said slowly. "Do you not feel his reiatsu? Is it not the exact same as before?"

"I know that!" I yelled out, my hand itching to grab Haineko. "He just… He can't be him! It's impossib—"

"Matsumoto."

My body completely froze at the voice. No. How… How could it be the exact same?! It's impossible! He couldn't be…!

"Control yourself, Rangiku…" I muttered softly. "It's just an imitation… Like Aaroniero Arruruerie did to Rukia-chan…"

"I'm no imitation," he said to me. My anger began to overflow at the sound of that voice. "I am Hitsugaya Tōshirō."

"SHUT UP!" I drew Haineko quickly, blinded by the utter rage that flowed in my body. "I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU EVER SAY THAT NAME AGAIN!"

Teal eyes stared at me disappointedly.

"You don't believe me?" I growled loudly.

"DON'T EVEN TRY TO DECIEVE ME, YOU LITTLE—"

"Matsumoto-taichou." My eyes widened, my arm being held back by another's. I turned and stared into the face of Yamamoto-sou-taichou. "It is a first-class offense to raise your zanpakutō at another Taichou."

His reiatsu level seemed to crush me, my eyes shutting in pain. I couldn't bring myself to turn away from his gaze. Fear instilled itself in the deepest caverns of my soul.

"Y… Yes, Sou-taichou…" I managed to voice. "My deepest a-apologizes…"

He continued to stare at me before he disappeared, back up at the front of the room. I breathed heavily, relief pouring down on my body.

"… As I was saying," he started again, eying Haineko. I slowly sheathed her, refusing to look back at the imitator. "Hitsugaya Tōshirō was given a special mission per my conjoined orders with the Chūō Yonjūroku to live as a human in the Real World. This mission was top-priority, and therefore you, Matsumoto Rangiku, are the only other Taichou—or Shinigami, for that matter—beside me that know of his existence."

I was speechless. How could a mission to the Real World be so important that a _Taichou_ had to go and abandon everything that they knew?!

"What mission could be so important to use such drastic measures?!" I asked, unable to comprehend. Yamamoto-sou-taichou stared at me in such a way that I felt as if the answer were as simple as day.

"… The finding and execution of the Shinigami known as the Vizards."

My heart seemed to stop.

"Kill… The Vizards…? Kill… Our _allies_?" I was in pure shock. "Why would you want to—"

"We had intelligence that they were planning on overthrowing Soul Society and combining it with the Human World as one realm."

I blinked, taking a step forward furiously. "They would never do that! Do you not remember the Winter War?! Do you not remember how they _helped_ us?! If it weren't for them, we would all be _dead_!"

"Matsumoto, they are not dead." My hand clenched. That voice… Not again…! "I watched their actions secretly for ten years, Matsumoto, and I have deducted that they just want to be left alone and have never planned an overthrowing of Soul Society or anything of the sort. The information that was given to us was sent by a high-level Hollow wanting revenge on Soul Society over the Winter War."

I twitched as Haineko called out to me, wanting to kill the imposter. I hushed her, a feeling deep inside me telling me that something was wrong here…

"So, Sou-taichou… The Vizards are not dead, then?" He nodded his head at me regretfully.

"But, none of this is why I have called you here, Matsumoto Rangiku." I blinked, a feeling of overwhelming dread overcoming me. "I have called you here so that you may either step down as a Taichou of Seireitei…"

My eyes widened as he said the second option, turning to stare at the guilt-filled face of the imposter of my ex-Taichou.

"… Or you may battle to the death to keep your status as Taichou of Jūbantai with Hitsugaya Tōshirō."

-+-+-+-+-

"Taichou, why aren't you wearing your Haori…?" I sighed, looking over at Aria. Her eyes seemed—like always—dead and cutoff from the world. If I could just tell her…

I gulped, my hands shaking as I didn't want to say what I was about to. My heart seemed to hiss at the world around me as I took a deep breath.

"Miyamoto Aria," I began, staring her straight in the eyes, "as per orders of the Sou-taichou, you are no longer a member of Jūbantai and are transferred to the Gobantai to be the reigning Fuku-taichou."

Her eyes widened and the papers in her hand dropped to the ground. She stared at me, her eyes flickering to an emotion I hadn't seen in ten years. A tense silence filled the air.

"No." She stated simply, bending down to pick the papers up from the ground. "I refuse."

"This is a _direct_ order fro—"

"I am allowed to refuse transfer, am I not? You can demote me anywhere in the Jūbantai that you like, but I refuse to leave the Division." She cut me off, her voice steely. I tense as I noticed her body's movements.

She was prepared to fight me.

I thought for a moment. I had to get her out of the Division at all costs, no matter what… Even if it meant that I had to—

"Matsumoto-taichou!" I looked to the door, seeing Sawahata Takumi standing there—the Sanseki. "What happened?! I heard that someone here is imp—"

I quickly jumped over to him, staring at him in fury.

"Don't… Finish… That sentence." I seethed. His eyes widened and I pointed out my door.

"Get out! NOW!"

He quickly exited, telling the other Shinigami in my Division to avoid me at all costs right now. I twitched, slamming my Office's door shut and turning back to an apathetic Aria.

"Listen, Miyamoto." She seemed to freeze at the way I said her name. It was too much like…

"_Please_… For your own sanity… Leave the Division." She stared at me in shock. No… I was becoming like him to her. I was asking her to _leave_ me.

"No. I refuse to leave. Nothing you say can make me leave you, Onee-chan…!"

I stared at her in bewilderment. _Onee-chan_? What? I… I knew she had a sister, but…

"Hotaru-onee-chan… Please don't leave me…!" Her eyes began to tear up, emotions I had long forgotten Aria knew how to use becoming fresh wounds.

_She was comparing me to her dead sister._

"Aria-chan, what are you saying…? I'm not your sis—"

"YES YOU ARE!" She yelled out, her eyes wide. I took a step back. No… I never should have listened to him…!

"No, Aria-chan, I—" I stopped, realizing what I was doing.

I was a _Taichou_. I had to take command over the situation…!

"Miyamoto Aria," I said. She froze, her betrayed eyes dimming. "You are my _subordinate_. And things are about to happen here that you don't want to be a part of! Trust me! I love you, Aria-chan, and I always will, but _please_ don't make me tell you what's happening here—"

"Go ahead! I want to know! Tell me what's happening here, Onee-chan!"

"I'M NOT YOUR SISTER!"

She seemed to completely freeze, before she violently began to shake. I bit my lip, knowing this was only going to escalate. With anxiety overcoming my brain and my heart, my body seemed to move forward on its on; I embraced her tightly, wanting this whole ordeal to be over with. I didn't want to be in anymore pain. I didn't want everyone to be in anymore pain. But most of all…

I didn't want her to be in the endless cycle of pure agony and torture every single day she was alive anymore.

Her whole body seemed to tense significantly, as if she were unfamiliar with the situation and unable to respond; and then she fell into my shoulder and began to sob for all her life's worth.

-+-+-

_I turned in my bed, facing the wall for what felt like the hundredth tim__e that night. I let out a groan of frustration, sitting up. My yukata fell off my shoulder, exposing it to cold air; I let out a soft shiver before standing up and pulling it back to the correct position. I quickly pulled out a blanket, staring at it for a moment. This was…_

_This was the blanket that Taichou had given me…_

_I began to blink repeatedly, pulling the blanket over my shoulders. I sighed, opening the door. Even though I was the new Taichou of the Jūbantai, I couldn't bring myself to tell Aria-chan that she had to move rooms…_

_And if I had, I don't think I would have been able to sleep in there myself._

_I allowed my feet to move on their own, content with simply thinking. Everything that had happened __recently, everything that shouldn't have happened—it was all so much to comprehend. They seemed to flash in small bursts past my eyes, leaving me wanting either more or to forget everything._

"—_and then today Rangiku-chan tried to sneak out of the Office while there was a stack of paperwork on the desk. Luckily, I managed to get her to stay. She's always trying to skip out on her duties… I hope she doesn't find out that I go through it all before I give it to her… If I didn't, she'd have nearly five times as much to do."_

_My eyes widened as I realized exactly where I was._

_Hitsugaya Tōshirō's memorial site._

"_After we finished that, I was heading down the hall to get a small snack when suddenly I was hit on the back of my head. It turned out to be Sawahata-kun playing a game with Kozue-chan and he had done a wild swing. I was pretty pissed at him for a while, but eventually after Kozue-chan calmed me down I forgave him." I heard her sigh, my eyes beginning to water._

_Her fragile body, sitting in front of the gravestone, reminiscing on the events that had happened earlier today… It was almost too much for me._

"_Oh! And I'm sure you'll be happy to hear this!" My ears perked up at the sound of her voice. It seemed almost… Happy._

"_I was training with Kurobararyu today and I found out a new move I can do in Bankai! Aren't you proud of me?"_

_I fell to the ground, my hands covering my face. Sobs filled the air around me as I cried out all the emotions that Aria had locked inside of her and all the sadness that was in my body. A gentle hand was placed on my back and I looked up, seeing Aria kneeling in front of me, a soft, almost unrecognizable smile on her face._

"_Rangiku-chan… It's okay." It broke my heart to hear her say those words. I knew what she was feeling. I knew how she wanted to act. I knew that a day didn't go by that she didn't ask herself what she was living for._

_I knew all her pain so well, for it was my pain, too._

"_I… Miss him…" I choked out. She nodded, her eyes showing all of her pain._

"_Yeah… I do, too…"_

_-+-+-+-+-_

"What do you want, Imposter?"

The man behind me sighed, crossing his arms. He was the exact same height Taichou was when he left…

"You are still calling me an Imposter even after giving me back my Taichou status?" I growled, walking faster away from him.

No matter how much I knew he wasn't Taichou—no matter how much I knew he was an imposter—I couldn't bring myself to kill him. He looked too much like him… All the pain inside my body, everything inside me screamed at me to attack him.

And then I'd look at his face, and I'd just want to hug him and kiss him and never let him out of my sight again.

"Hitsugaya Tōshirō is dead." I spat out. "And as much as I want to kill you, I couldn't put her through that agony of watching me kill you."

He seemed to falter, the teal eyes I knew so well looking up at me in confusion. "Who is this 'her' you keep mumbling about?"

I spun around, my finger pointing him right in the face. I must have looked completely and totally infuriated right then, because his eyes widened and he seemed to take a step backwards.

"I don't give a _damn_ if you look like him. I don't care in the least bit if you die. But I swear, if you ever mention _her_ to me again, I will _kill you_ with my own han—"

"Matsumoto-taichou?" My eyes widened at the voice. "Who are you talking to? Is something wrong?"

I shoved the imposter in the closet next to us, giving him a look that clearly stated to not make a single sound. I closed the door, turned around, and stared at the corner right as a young woman turned it. She walked up to me, a questionable look in her eyes.

"Kozue-chan! I'm sorry, was I disturbing you?" Yonseki Iwahara Kozue blinked, staring at my outfit. Her eyes widened at the band around my left arm and I mentally cursed myself.

"_FUKU-TAICHOU_?" Her eyes widened, taking a step back as she covered her mouth. "Wh-What happened…?"

"Aah… It's no need for alarm, Kozue-chan." I said, thinking on my feet. "I just… Was remembering…"

Kozue blinked, realizing what I was saying. Her mouth formed an 'O' shape before smiling lightly.

"Taichou…" Her eyes began to water as well. "I… I know how much you miss him… But—"

"Now, now, none of that!" I said, laughing shortly. I didn't need to give the imposter anything to blackmail me on. "I'm fine, don't worry."

I quickly took the Fuku-taichou armband off, staring at it for a moment. Emotions overcame my body and my mouth moved on its own.

"This is the same armband I've had ever since I became the Fuku-taichou, you know… I couldn't bear to part with it…" I bit my lip after I realized what I said. As much as I wanted to stop… I had to get this out.

"I… I don't deserve to be a Taichou after him…" I fell to my knees, Kozue calling out my name and bending down next to me. I heard footsteps running toward us, but dismissed them. "I was an idiot around him! I didn't treat him the way he deserved to be treated! And now he's _dead_ and I can't do a single thing about it! Do you know what that's like?! To realize how you feel for someone _after_ their gone…? And now, on the Anniversary of his death, this… This IMPOSTER comes and rips my heart out of my chest! He takes my Taichou status, he makes me tell my best friend that _I don't want her anymore_… And everything inside of me is SCREAMING that he's who he says he is!"

"Rangiku…-chan…"

I only realized I was crying when I felt the water fall onto my hand. My entire body was shaking, and I was surrounded by members of my Division.

This was my _family_.

And he took it all away from me!

"HITSUGAYA TŌSHIRŌ, I HATE YOU!" I screamed out, slamming the closet door open and, Haineko in hand, attacking him. A large crash sounded, and everyone was screaming at me to stop. But I couldn't.

I _wouldn't_.

"Do you have any idea how many nights I spent thinking about you?! Do you know how many days went by that you were the only thing on my mind?! You were everything to me after Gin left… AND THEN YOU LEFT ME!"

I turned around, huffing violently. I walked out into the garden area. I recognized the area we were at and my anger grew only stronger. I saw his silhouette, pointing my zanpakutō at him.

"UNARE—"

"Rangiku." My eyes widened at the female voice, a hand being placed on my shoulder. "Please calm down."

I turned my head, staring into deep emerald eyes. My heart skipped a beat as I saw her clasp her sword hilt. "Whoever it is, I will kill them."

Her lifeless eyes turned toward the intruder, the cloud of dust around us evaporated. I saw her eyes widen and my own looked forward, where Hitsugaya Tōshirō stood in Bankai form, his eyes emotionless. Aria's hand on my shoulder began to shake, and soon her entire body was nearly convulsing. I jumped in front of her, refusing to show Aria in this state.

"Wh… What…?" I bit my lip, realizing she was about to go into a complete rage. I grabbed her zanpakutō and threw it away from her, calming myself with a deep breath.

"Aria… It's okay…" I put my hands on her shoulders, bending down to her height. Her eyes were wide and showed such pain, bewilderment and betrayal that it took everything in me to not _kill him_.

I noticed everyone else staring at him, confused as well. I bit my lip.

The next thing I realized, Haineko was at my throat and I was being stared at with pure hatred.

"You… Did you know he was alive…?" I refused to cry, steeling my body over as I stood up to my full height. I felt Haineko drawing blood but refused to make or show a single sign of pain.

After all, physical pain was almost completely numb to me.

I grabbed Haineko's blade, jerking it from Aria's vice-like grip.

"Calm yourself, Miya—"

"DON'T SAY MY NAME!" She screamed at me, her eyes wild. "GET AWAY FROM ME! I… I DON'T KNOW YOU! YOU _LIED_ TO ME!"

I turned Haineko around, the handle now being held tightly by my grip. I had to do this…

"UNARE, HAINEKO!" I yelled out. Immediately, a gust of wind seemed to envelop me and Haineko's blade turned to ash.

"Flare your bloodthirsty thorns…" Her voice was nothing less than a deathly whisper. "Kurobararyu."

And then she swung at me, our blades clashing as if thunder erupted.

-+-+-

"_Hey, Rangiku-chan." I looked up from the magazine I was reading, smiling widely._

"_Aria-chan!" I jumped up, running over to her and hugging her tightly to my chest. "I haven't seen you in forever!"_

_She pushed herself out of my grip, gasping for air before she nodded her head._

"_I… I heard that there was big news today…" Her eyes seemed to dim. "… I thought maybe…"_

_By the downcast look in her eye, I seemed to catch what she was saying._

_Even after nearly three months, she still hadn't accepted it…_

"_He's dead, Aria-chan." I whispered, hugging her lighter. Her hands seemed to wrap themselves around my waist—she was too small and fragile…_

"… _I decided something." I looked down at her face, which was resting against my chest as if it were a pillow. "I'm… Going to dye my hair black."_

_I froze. "What? Why would you do that?! Your snowy hair is beautiful the way it is!"_

"… _He told me once… That he thought Hinamori Momo's hair was beautiful…" She whispered out. I bit my lip. "And when he comes back and sees my hair like hers… Maybe he won't disappear from me again…"_

"_Stop it, Aria." My grip on her tightened. "He loves you just the way you are."_

"_He left me… Who would leave someone they love?"_

_And I realized that in that small sentence, she had finally given up hope and given up on life._

-+-+-

"Aria, look at what you're doing! You're attacking me! Aren't I your best friend, Aria? ARIA!"

She continued to slash mercilessly at me, her eyes reminding me of Zaraki Kenpachi. She had been attacking me for so long I began to wonder if she could even hear me.

"You are not my best friend! You lied to me! You are NOTHING to me!" She screamed out, her zanpakutō raised above her head as if she were about to throw it. My eyes widened and I quickly called Haineko together to form a sword on my hilt. I couldn't dodge this…

"YOUKOU OSHAKU!" She screamed out, and a purple flame headed toward me at an alarmingly quick rate. I stared at Aria's joyful face, and immediately I knew what to do.

I threw Haineko to the side right as Kurobararyu pierced me through the chest.

"MATSUMOTO!" I heard the screams coming from behind, ignoring them. I stood there on my shaky legs, staring at Aria with a smile on my face and coughing up blood. Her face showed a combination of shock and joy.

"Aria… I know the pain you're going through… I know that you won't be happy until I'm dead… And right now, that's the only thing I want…" I spat up more blood, my head beginning to feel light as I started to fall to the ground. "All I want is for you to smile again, Aria…"

"MATSUMOTO!" The painful scream shook me to the core, and as I looked back at the teal eyes of my Taichou, a sad smile graced my face.

And I fell to the ground, voices calling my name as my mind faded to black.

* * *

**Okay. First off, yes, a continuation! Wee! Second off, sorry for it being sad. Again. But don't worry, I'm putting up a new chapter before school starts. Blea. Happy 2010! (Did I do good in the whole Rangiku-POV? It was _really_ hard for me to keep her in character...) Oh, and sorry about the cliffhanger. I _really_ hated doing that, but Rangiku was screaming at me to! She's mean, LOL. Also, Aria is going back-and-forth on if she believes that Tōshirō is alive or not. She had thought he was alive for nine years until she _"had finally given up hope and given up on life." _So yeah, she has that force of habit going on where, depending on her mood, she can't decide if he's alive or not... Alright. Hope you liked it!**

**P.S.: _Chūō Yonjūroku _is the Central 46.**


	3. The Pain of Halcyon Days

I stared at the woman in front of me apathetically. Emotion did not exist.

I saw her being yelled at by the girl in front of her. She seemed so conflicted—so unsure of what to do. The young girl's eyes seemed to be insane, loving it that she was attacking and trying to kill her best friend.

I saw the girl raise her sword, poised to throw it at the other. The woman called her zanpakutō together to dodge the attack, yet at the last moment something in her eyes changed.

She carelessly threw the sword to the side, being struck with the flaming staff straight in her chest.

The Division members around her screamed out her name, yet I was motionless. Chains rattled inside me, trying to break free of their cages. I tried to ignore them. I no longer _had_ emotions…

I _couldn't_ have emotions…

"Aria… I know the pain you're going through… I know that you won't be happy until I'm dead… And right now, that's the only thing I want…"

I was trying _so hard _to keep my eyes emotionless, yet I could feel something in me breaking. Those words… She shouldn't be saying such things…

"All I want is for you to smile again, Aria…"

And then I broke.

"MATSUMOTO!" My voice was filled with such pain that I was shocked to hear myself. I sounded as if my life was over—as if everything I was living for was gone.

Matsumoto Rangiku was truly one of the most important people in my life. It was thanks to her that I was where I was now—not only as a Shinigami or a Taichou, but as a person. She was the one who helped me hear Hyōrinmaru's voice.

And now, as I watched her fall to the earth defeated, something inside of me just screamed at my body. I couldn't let this happen to her—I refused.

She looked back at me after I called to her, her plump lips giving off the saddest smile I'd ever seen curse her face.

She fell to the ground, and the next thing I knew she was in my arms, resting against my shoulder.

I tightened my grip on her, all the feelings I had locked up inside me for the past ten years releasing from their cage. I stared at her beautiful face, my hair covering my eyes before they closed tightly.

Tears fell down my face in streams as I tried to contain myself. This… This was a living hell.

I gently placed her body on the ground, wiping my face with the black material on my arm. I steeled my eyes over, standing up and simply staring at the zanpakutō pointed at my nose.

"Who the hell are you?" The woman hissed, emerald eyes flicking toward at the ice wings on my back. I simply raised my hand, pushing Kurobararyu away from my face and walking away from her.

"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed, her soft voice echoing in the very core of my being. "I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!"

I pulled Hyōrinmaru out of his sheath, holding him up in front of me as I pushed Kurobararyu away from striking me. I showed no emotion on my face as I stared into her fiery eyes.

"… Do I know you?" I asked coldly.

Her eyes widened at me, her jaw dropping slightly. I could feel the grip on the hilt of her sword tightening as she pushed me back minimally.

"Hi…" She began slowly, biting her lip. "Hitsugaya Tōshirō…"

Emotion swirled up in me as my name rolled off of her tongue.

"How do you know me, girl?" I muttered. How did she _not_ know me was a better question…

"You… You little…" Her eyes narrowed into slits.

I knew she wanted to see emotion from me. I knew she wanted to scream at me—wanted to rip me into shreds. I blinked slowly, watching as her eyes grew wild with emotion.

I couldn't give her what she wanted right now. I couldn't tell her how much I had missed her while I was gone. I couldn't justify what I had done to her. I'd never be able to repay her the torture I had forced her to go through.

I refused to show her that every single second I was away from her side… She was the only thing on my mind.

-+-+-

"_Hitsugaya Tōshirō." I stared apathetically at the Sou-taichou, nodding my head to persuade him to continue._

"_As you are the Taichou most familiar with the Human World, I have a Top Secret mission for you." I blinked._

"_Of course, Sou-taichou. May I ask the details of the mission?" He stared at me, slowly pushing the documentation across the table. I blinked, reaching out for it and opening it._

_My eyes widened at the information, my hands shaking. I slowly looked up at the Sou-taichou, my mouth unable to form words._

"_You are to forget everything about this place, Hitsugaya-taichou." I stared at him in shock, unable to understand his next words. "You are to forget your friends, forget your family, and forget your _life. _And then… You are to fake your death, proceed to go to the Real World, and monitor the actions of the targets. One slip-up—one suspicious move—and you kill them. _All_ of them."_

_My mind slipped to all of the people close to me. I was supposed to _die_? I was supposed to put them in that sort of torture?_

_And all for a _mission_?_

"_Tōshirō." I looked up in surprised at the regretful face of my Sou-taichou. "… I am sorry."_

_I stood up swiftly, my hair covering my gaze. "… When do I leave?"_

_There was a pregnant pause._

"_Tomorrow."_

_I bowed at the elder respectfully, and he nodded his head in return._

_As I turned around and my hand reached up for the door, I stopped._

"… _You are not allowed to tell a single soul, living or dead, about this mission, Hitsugaya Tōshirō."_

_I blinked, my eyes hard. And as I turned around, I saw the merciless green eyes of my only love staring at me._

"Why are you leaving me?"_ She asked, her snowy hair gone and replaced by a short black bob. I stared at her and then blinked, and she was gone._

"… _I understand… Sou-taichou."_

_-+-+-_

"_Hitsugaya-taichou! Do you read me, Hitsugaya-taichou!?" I stared at the radio in my hand emotionlessly, my finger twitching. I held down the button and breathed shakily, coughing. The static in the air seemed to calm my racing heart as I grunted._

"_There's too many hollows! I don't think that I c—AAH!" I let out a strangled scream, releasing my finger and returning to silence. The empty field around me was still, the breeze refusing to move._

_I heard static filling the air from the radio, the only sound in the entire area._

"… _Hitsugaya-taichou?" I heard the young man, Akon, whisper. I tightened my free hand in a fist. "Hitsugaya-taichou… Come in! Come in, Hitsugaya-taichou…! REPORT!"_

_I masked my reiatsu effortlessly, hearing them gasp._

"_A-AKON-SAN! His reiatsu disappeared!" I heard a voice say, followed by Akon cursing._

"_Please, Hitsugaya-taichou!" His voice was pleading now. "Respond…! Please be okay…!"_

"_He is dead." I began to feel liquid falling off my hand as I tightened it._

"_Kurotsuchi-taichou!"_

"_Release the connection. He will not be responding."_

_There was a pause._

"_Yes… Kurotsuchi-taichou."_

_The static ceased, the wind picking up as I dropped the radio to the ground, squashing it beneath my foot. I looked around the yellowing field, sighing as I pulled Hyōrinmaru out and quickly slashing my arm. Blood oozed out of the wound, and as I began to feel lightheaded I placed cream on the injury, popping in a blood-replenishing pill that Sou-taichou had given me just for this. A new invention, he said._

_With a final look in the direction of Seireitei, I turned around and began to run toward my hide-out._

"… _I'm sorry, Bed-wetter Momo… You were my best friend… My _sister_… And Matsumoto… I couldn't have asked for a better Fuku-taichou… Thank you."_

_Emerald flashed past my eyes._

"… _Thank you so much… For everything you've given me… I'll probably never see you again, but I've wanted to say something to you for so long… Even though you won't be able to hear me."_

_I sighed, looking to the side as I entered the forest and made a sharp left. Her beautiful smile waltzed in front of me, her rosy cheeks rising innocently._

_And that was when I realized I couldn't do it._

_Even when I wasn't with her… I couldn't say the words out loud._

_My bangs covered my eyes as I bit my lip._

"… _Forgive me."_

_-+-+-_

"What the hell possessed you to leave without saying goodbye!? Why didn't you _warn_ me? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"It was unnecessary." I iced out. She continued to lash out at me, her voice raspy and angered. She eventually calmed down enough to voice out a simple question.

"Why… Why didn't you come back sooner…?"

I stared into the endless emerald abysses of her beautiful eyes, steeling my own over as I answered her question.

"There was no need. There is nothing here that I want or need."

Her mouth opened in shock and I could only think of what was going through her mind. She must have felt like my words were a slap to her face.

"… You're a horrible liar." She responded after a moment's silence.

I narrowed my eyes. "I do not need anything. _Especially_… A monster like _you_."

She seemed to reel, her mouth turning into a snarl.

"… You want to see a 'monster,' _Taichou_?"

I smirked, yet my insides were churning heavily.

"I'll show you a monster."

And then she raised her sword up toward the sky, rose petals falling down and landing in a perfect circle around her body. I stared at her in concealed shock, realizing what was happening.

And then the circle was complete and Aria was grinning manically at me, her sweet lips opening and enunciating the two syllables carefully and proudly.

"Bankai."

-+-+-

"_Taichou! Taichou!" I looked up slowly, staring at the huffing woman standing at my Office's door._

"… _Yes, Miyamoto?" She grinned widely, running over to my swiftly and grabbing my arm. I reeled as she began to tug me forcefully._

"_I have something I want to show you!" I placed my free hand on her shoulder, pulling her back. Her leg flew up in the air before she staggered back, falling on top of me. I twitched at her overly excited face._

"_Pleassse?" She begged, pouting. I twitched again, her lower lip enticing me an—_

"_Fine." I answered swiftly—uncomfortably._

_She grinned happily as I stood up, dragging me off to who-knows-where. I sighed as she finally stopped in a meadow, giggling excitedly._

"_Okay, stay here!" She said, pointing to the ground at her feet. I nodded my head—if only to amuse her—and she was at once running into the center of the meadow, laughing all the way._

_She suddenly pulled Kurobararyu out, squealing delightfully. This innocent side of Aria, this side that seemed as if she was nothing but a child, was completely… Beautiful._

"_Okay, Taichou! Watch this!" She yelled over at me, and she pointed Kurobararyu up at the sky swiftly, closing her eyes and beginning to move in a circle. I instinctively grabbed at Hyōrinmaru, holding his hilt as my eyes narrowed._

_Suddenly, I was filled with shock._

_Rose petals abruptly began to materialize out of thin air, starting at her zanpakutō's tip and falling down to the ground in a soft yet deadly manner. When it formed a perfect circle, she slammed her eyes open._

"_BANKAI!"_

_I was filled with such shock at she pushes Kurobararyu into the ground, a red beam of light flying up to the sky from where the rose petals had fallen._

_The beam of light slowly died down, and the first thing I saw was her eyes. They had gained a reddish taint to them, yet in an innocent way. Her pallid hair, now curled endlessly, had a halo of roses surrounding her. Falling down her back was a giant red cape made from thousands of rose petals, pooling onto the ground; I could tell from the look of it that they could quickly form a shield around her, if necessary. A large tail flew from her lower back, easily able to wrap around a large tree. The last thing I noticed that had changed on her was the small branches flowing out of her sleeves, seeming to wrap around her arms like armor._

_She froze as a huge grin broke out on her face._

"_Kurobara No Niwa!"_

_I stared at her as she ran over to me, her smile bright. She tilted her head as she held Kurobararyu's staff._

"_What do you think, Taichou?"_

_I was in complete shock, to be honest. Slowly, her smile dropped as I continued to stare at her._

"_I… Is something wrong, Taichou…? You don't like it…?"_

_I seemed to be pushed from my shock as she sighed, looking to the side._

"… _It's amazing, Miyamoto." I could nearly feel the pride and happiness radiating off of her as I was suddenly engulfed by her arms._

"_It's all thanks to you, Taichou! Thank you so much!" She said, her arms tightly around my neck. I stood there, frozen as my cheeks heated up._

_Slowly, I returned her hug. My eyes were glued to the side as she pressed up against me, and I began to feel all too uncomfortable._

"… _Congratulations," I spoke. And yet, the word felt odd on my lips—like I shouldn't be saying them._

_How did she learn Bankai… When I wasn't there to see it? How _could_ she?_

_And as I realized what I had just thought, I narrowed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her swiftly._

"_Thank you… Taichou. For everything."_

_I half-smiled._

"_Anything… Miyamoto."_

-+-+-

"Kurobara No Niwa."

I scoffed. "I've seen your Bankai plenty of times, Miyamoto. What do you think you can do now that can actually beat me?"

She laughed shrilly, my insides churning at the horrible sound.

"I don't plan on beating you, you buffoon," she whispered, her face suddenly inches from mine. I could feel her steady heartbeat, as well as the slow pressure against my chest from her own rising.

"I plan on killing you."

I jumped back, feeling the air rushing at me. I stared into her hard eyes, my own feeling worn out.

I knew I shouldn't have missed my nap today.

"You're not strong enough, you idiot. You will _never_ be strong enough to defeat me."

"LIAR!" She screamed at me, her emotions overcoming her. "I will KILL you for what you've done!"

I laughed sourly, trying to realize all the pain I had caused her. I knew that all of her endless pain and suffering was so much more than mine—the agony, the pure torture of it all. I knew that, eventually, I would be able to return to her; she had thought that she could _never_ see me again.

"Why…" She seemed to return to her questioning mode, slashing viciously at me—trying to destroy my existence.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY GOODBYE?!"

And as I saw the lone tear fall from her face, I lost it.

"I DID!"

She screamed back at me, her eyes wide with anxiety.

"NO YOU DIDN'T! I'M SURE OF IT!"

It finally hit me—and I knew what I needed to do.

"So you finally decided to take the bed."

She tripped, her hands in front of her as she fell to the grass below her. She rolled to the side, her face flipping up as her emerald eyes—now tinted with that wretched blood-red that I never did like—stared at me with pure fury.

"You're not trying to be Inoue-san now, are you?"

Her eyes flicked with a hidden emotion as I laughed shortly.

"Shut… Stop it…" I could name the emotion in her eyes as they began to change rapidly. Hurt. Betrayal. Pain. Anger.

Love.

"You know, I knew her before she died."

I laughed slightly, a look of enjoyment on my face. I couldn't mask it.

"She was _very_ much like Matsumoto… Do you remember me telling you about the Winter War?"

"Stop… Stop it, please…" She said, her face turning into that of such pure agony and pain I nearly complied with her wish. But I didn't.

"She was very much alive then… That's for sure," I paused, sitting down and laughing again. "I'm positive, Miyamoto."

"Why won't you stop…!?"

I laughed again. "I… Don't know."

And we both knew that wasn't the answer to that question.

"You… You have to know… You're a genius…" Her eyes began to fill with unshed tears as I moaned painfully for a moment, knowing her mind was on the verge of blacking out.

"Not true, Miyamoto, not true."

She didn't seem to realize it, but I could tell she was trying so hard to finish our painful conversation. "N… Nothing… Right?"

"You."

She let out a scream, burying her face in her hands. She quickly stood up, furiously wiping her eyes. I heard a crack, and suddenly there was an onslaught of water falling down on us.

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Her voice was filled with fury, the minute traces of pain vanished. I stood up quickly, holding Hyōrinmaru in front of me.

"I don't know you, Aria." She faltered in her steps, before rushing at me with newfound anger. "I don't know what you're feeling right now."

"SHUT UP!" She screamed at me. Though I had to say it. I had to finish my next line—the last line of our little show.

"… I'm _alive_, Miyamoto… You can love someone who's _alive_."

"THAT WAS AN ILLUSION!"

Her zanpakutō came down on me, cutting me right to the bone. I gasped out, unprepared for the attack.

And we fell to the ground.

"… _Was_ it an illusion, Aria…? Was it _really_?"

She screamed at me, smashing her zanpakutō straight through my arm. I refused to make a sound, simply staring into her eyes. The eyes that reflected all of her rage and her sorrows, sending it straight into my very soul.

"… Why are you _really_ mad at me… Miyamoto? Have you asked yourself that question…?"

Her emerald eyes stared hatefully at me, her zanpakutō rose above her head. My eyelids lowered as I stared at the ground beside me.

"You… You _left_ me… For what, Hitsugaya Tōshirō?" She panted, refusing to move her body until she got a response.

I looked up at her, the rain pelting my worn face. Biting my lip, my worried eyes looked straight into hers.

This was too much for me to bear… And the words slipped from my mouth.

"I left you… To protect you, Miyamoto."

There was a crack of thunder. Her stance froze as she stared at me; closing her eyes, her face turned away from me hurriedly.

"If you wanted to protect me… You wouldn't have left."

I sat up, wincing as the wound on my torso opened wider. Right now, though… That didn't matter.

"I… Cannot ask you to forgive me…" My hand reached up slowly, shakily, touching her cheek uncertainly. She jerked back, her eyes shooting open and staring straight at me. My face was so close to hers…

"That… That is because I will _never_ forgive you for this. _Never_." I sighed, a sad, small smile on my lips.

"I don't expect you to, Miyamoto…" The sword above Aria's head lowered, being placed on the ground next to her. She stared into my teal eyes, the pallid follicles surrounding our faces stained with Matsumoto's and my blood.

"… Why would you come back?" She whispered, her lower lip quivering. Pain swelled up in my chest at the sight.

"I didn't come back, Aria…" Her hands reached up to my face, placing them on both of my cheeks. I leaned into the warm feeling, my eyes searching her own, trying to figure out the deepest worries, the deepest sorrow, of her soul.

"I came home."

My eyes seemed to shroud over, the rain falling down my face masking the tears I shed as Aria elicited a soft gasp. Her whole body shook, her hair covering her eyes.

Even now, I couldn't deny how beautiful she looked to me…

"I…" She was stopped as my cold lips pressed lightly against hers, my eyes slowly closing. I could feel her gaze on me as she was motionless.

So many emotions overcame me at the one moment that it was hard for me to contain them all. I…

I loved her…

And as she kissed me back, I wrapped my hands around her body and hugged her, the ten years I had been away from her crashing down as I never wanted to leave her side again.

**--**

**... I don't like this chapter. I don't think it's very good, but I'm having trouble making it better.**

**Okay, first off. This is _un-edited_. I'm too much in a pissy mood to edit it right now, LOL. So please forgive me for any errors and simply point them out in the review. Second, good luck to Aiedail's Scepter on her Final tomorrow! Also, please tell me what you think. I'm concerned about this chapter as of now... I might replace it in a few days. The last chapter will be up... Sometime in the next month. Possibly within two weeks. School's a bitch. Oh, and yes, _Halycon Days_ is a reccuring theme in the titles. So I DID do that on purpose. _Reminiscing the Days of Halcyon _is Aria thinking back on her happy days with Tōshirō; _Return of the Halcyon Days_ is Tōshirō coming back; _The Pain of Halcyon Days_ is Tōshirō's feelings. Tōshirō _is_ Aria's Halcyon Days. So... Yeah. Hope you liked it.**


	4. My Personal Halcyon Days Hell

Even to this day, I remember the first thing I said to Hitsugaya Tōshirō.

"_I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to crash into you, I was just—"_

And, of course, his response to me was etched into my brain forever.

"_Idiot."_

Oh, how I love remembering those sweet, sweet memories. Back then, everything was amazing. Back then, I didn't have anything to really worry about. I was surrounded by people who loved me for me. Back then… I was happy.

Now… I don't know _what_ I was.

**My Personal Halcyon Days Hell**

Today should have been the happiest day of my life.

There is celebration; there is dancing; there is food. Everyone pass me by, throwing congratulations my way. Some even have the audacity to hug me tight, the alcohol and wine stench circling our bodies as I am congratulated. I watch helplessly as Shinigami after Shinigami pour into the tiny ball room I now would call my home.

Today is my wedding day to Hitsugaya Tōshirō.

Here I am, in my new house—my new _mansion_—sitting against the wall as Shinigami alike dance with one another, singing to the ancient ritual songs that we were brought up with whenever a happy celebration happened to come along in the Western District. It's always rare in District 60—I remember overhearing a conversation once of a man who marries a woman from District 10, hear of how his fingers trail over her beautifully pale white throat before sliding up into her hair, whispering a soft _I do_ before their lips connect. A giant celebration is thrown, and for once the people of the Western District turn to one another in what could only be considered strained acquaintanceship. There is no stealing. There is no fighting. There is only people surrounding the couple, wishing them many long years together in joy and merriment.

The Western District is raised on that mentality. Your neighbors are your enemies, but it is expected of you to rejoice with them over the happy forthcomings of their lives.

I suddenly imagine Hotaru, her flowing black hair tightly secure in a bun on her head as she smiles happily at the faceless, nameless man brightly grinning happily back at her, as if she's the only thing in the world that will ever make him happy.

At that point, I realize I was shaking. I stand up, the flowing white dress I wear nothing but a constant reminder of who I am—of _what_ I am.

Hitsugaya Aria.

I am not Miyamoto Aria. Never again will I bear the name _Miyamoto_. I am Hitsugaya—a cold, calculating, heartless man's wife.

Slowly I pass the people who celebrate the union of two "extravagant" Shinigami. I notice Tōshirō is nowhere to be found—more than likely, he is in his office continuing the work he had been behind on. Even since his return, he has constantly been working on the paperwork from his ten-year absence—even though Rangiku had assured him that it had been taken care of and there was no need for him to do all of the work once again.

I shuffle out of the room unseen. No one notices that the newlyweds have disappeared from their own party separately. I walk down the moonlit hall, away from the sound of the music pulsing throughout the Party Hall. Whatever reason Tōshirō has one in his house for is beyond me.

I narrowly miss the scattered furniture that had been thrown on the floor. I stop and stare at the living room, seeing it in complete shambles. Thoughts fly through my head as to why, but I just ignore it. I realize I don't _want_ to know why.

I pick up the silky fabric around my thighs and pull it up, allowing me to watch where I walk as well as avoid stepping on the furniture thrown askew.

A soft humming stops me and I stare down the hallway toward the front door. I can see people climbing down the staircase there, lips locked and clothes being thrown every which way. But it doesn't affect me the way it should. Instead, I notice a little doll on the floor, a soft hum coming from the string being pulled on its back. I stare at it for a moment too long, because before I know it the doll is in my hand and I am again walking down the hallway.

The doll is broken, tattered, and beaten. One button eye is hanging by a thread, mud coats its felt blue dress, and a hole as if something bit into it is on the back of the head, where I can still make out small red pieces of yarn I knew was once the doll's hair.

It seems perfect to me.

I reach a hallway and turn left, staring at the door five feet from me. Plain redwood, nothing special—but I know that this is my door. My room.

I enter, placing the doll on a shelf before walking to the mirror. I stare at myself, and before I know it, the sight of me wearing the most beautiful wedding dress I could ever imagine is too much for me because I'm crying and my make-up is smearing and I feel as if I'm just a puppet in someone else's Mind Game.

"What do you want from me?" I whisper as my manicured fingers dig into my skin. My first words since I said the fateful _I do_.

This is not what I wanted. I feel like I'm being trapped—like I'm being forced into something I never wanted.

I'm too young for this.

There is a knock on my door and before I can ask who it is the redwood hits the wall and then slams back into place and he's _there_. He's right in front of me, his tie hanging off of him and his shirttail isn't tucked and it makes me wonder what he could ever possibly want with me, the girl whom he promised to never leave but did.

"Aria."

I refuse to speak. I simply stare at him through the holes between my fingers as blood slowly drops to the ground from where my nails dug into the skin too hard, and the next thing I know he's pulling my hands from my face and he's kissing me and I don't know what to do but respond.

It seems to carry on for ages, and yet I feel like not even a second has passed. He stares into my eyes—his dark, beautiful teal eyes that shine from the light coming through the window seem to look into my very soul. I hiccup lightly, terrified of what he is thinking right now. Is he regretting saying those fateful two words to me earlier today? Is he regretting coming back after that ten-year absent all those years ago? Is he regretting meeting me?

"Aria. Look at me." I sniff, my eyes blinking slowly to clear them of the tears dripping from them. "Please tell me what's wrong."

His voice is so soft and so full with emotion that I close my eyes and sob loudly, throwing my arms around him. He stumbles, but after a moment he wraps his arms around me.

Twenty years. That's how long it's been since Hitsugaya Tōshirō returned. Every time that I remember that night—that night when he returned to me—I begin crying, unable to continue whatever task it is that I am doing. I miss how we were before he left. We got along so great and we had so much fun. I wanted to go back to that—back to our nights where we would run around the forests and laugh with each other while playing Hide-And-Seek, acting surprised when we would find our tree with the little uninhabited bird's nest that we would hide secret messages to one another in.

The Tōshirō that is standing in front of me right now—he isn't the same. He's cold, ruthless, numbing… There are nights where I just sit in his room before he comes in, and I cry relentlessly… I can still vividly remember the first—and last—time he caught me.

_I sit on my bed, hugging my knees to my chest as the cold wall behind me zaps all of the energy from my body. Tears slowly drip down my face as I cry over it all again. It shouldn't be such a big deal. All he had done was snap at me once, and I immediately began to feel bad. I feel so _weak_ right now!_

_I miss Tōshirō. I miss _my_ Tōshirō. Not this Tōshirō—this—this _man_ who's afraid to let anyone in, even me. He isn't the right person at all. I want the Tōshirō who I can cry on, who doesn't yell at me, who says he loves me. I don't want this Tōshirō, who won't whisper softly into my ear at night when he knows I'm sad, who refuses to spend any time at all with me outside of the four walls of his office._

_I don't know what happened. All I know is that he is different—and I hate it. It isn't so much his attitude as it is his appearance. It isn't just one thing—it is his entire being._

_I _hate_ Hitsugaya Tōshirō._

_I try harder to stifle the sobs as they seem to erupt like firecrackers from me. I don't want anyone to find out that I'm in here, in solitude, crying. There's so much weakness radiating off of me I'm actually surprised no one outside the door seems to notice. But, then again, I doubt anyone will come in to see why I'm so sad—_

_There is a small creak as the door opens._

_I gasp lightly and press my face into my knees, hiding myself. I feel so stupid, letting myself be caught like this. I'm stupid, pathetic—I'm such a weakling!_

"_What are you doing?" The door behind him shuts rather loudly, and I flinch. I won't look up at him. I can't. "I asked you a question, Miyamoto! You should be asleep by now; what are you doing?"_

_I sniff, clearing my throat softly. "G… Go away." I manage one soft whisper only after a lengthened pause. I can practically feel the room's temperature drop more than a few degrees and I know I am about to be in trouble._

"'_Go away?' 'Go _away_?' I will _not_, Miyamoto Aria, 'go away,' as you so sweetly say. This is my room, if you hadn't noticed yet. So why don't you just _shut up_ and go find someone _else_ who will let you sleep in their room? Honestly, I don't understand why I put up with you sometimes. You're so pathetic and we—"_

"_SHUT UP!"_

_I stare him in the face as my tears run down my visage, hiccupping all the while. I can't seem to stop, it seems. I can see the pure shock on his face at my appearance, but I don't care._

"_Don't you ever dare fucking call me pathetic and weak, Hitsugaya Tōshirō." I poke his chest with my finger, trying to convey the message into his tiny little brain. "I get that from_ myself_ enough as it is. I don't deserve to be treated the way you're treating me. I'm not your stupid little ragdoll, or whatever the crap you want to call me. I am a soul, _just like you_. I have a working, beating heart, and I have feelings that can be so easily hurt!" I realize I'm pounding my fists into his chest while staring into his eyes. Slowly, I stop, and take a shaky step back from him while the tears run down my face. "I… I don't know you, Hitsugaya Tōshirō. I don't know you at all."_

_I turn around and grab Kurobararyu, hiccupping uncontrollably all the while. I suddenly feel a soft hand on my shoulder but shrug it away. I won't let him talk me out of this. I've already made up my mind._

"_No, Hitsugaya-taichō." I'm trying to distance myself from him now as my smaragdine eyes glisten. I know it's the only way I can keep my composure—or, what's _left_ of my composure. "I won't let you dictate me any longer. You want me out of your room? Fine. I'll go. I don't want to have to deal with you anymore. Whatever dysfunctional 'relationship' the two of us have is over. You're my Taichō, and, as such, I will _treat_ you as my Taichō. Nothing more."_

_I stare into his teal eyes for a second longer and I can hear a tiny voice in the back of my mind screaming at him, trying to beg him to stop me. If he would tell me "Don't go," I would stay… But I see no hope in a relationship where I'm being emotionally abused for so long for nothing._

"_I lost you once, Taichō." My voice trembles slightly as I beg him to say something—anything. "I think I can handle losing you again."_

_He whispers my name so softly, I can barely hear it—but it's not what I want to hear. So I shove past him, Kuro held tightly in my hand, and shut the door behind me as I walk away, out of the Division, and into the forest._

_I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I can feel the branches scratching against my cheek, but, frankly, I don't care right now. I want to get as far away from him as possible._

_After what feels like hours of stumbling carelessly in the woods, I see an arborous animal above me. He seems to be simply hanging off of a branch, and I oddly laugh at the sight. I can only imagine how careless that animal is right now—how he has absolutely no worries at all. I envied him._

_I look forward, and I see a bright light coming over the edge of the horizon. I sigh, the bright light shining into my face mercilessly. I continue to stare at it, however, almost basking in the pain that I'm being dealt. I turn away for a moment to look at my surroundings, and I laugh humorously as I see our tree, sitting innocently on the forest floor. The little bird's nest is sitting on one of the limbs, and I jump up to it, looking inside. I blink once, surprised to see there's a note and box inside of it._

_I don't feel any reiatsu around me—or his, for the matter—so I sit on the branch, placing Kuro next to me._

( What is it, Aria? )

'I haven't heard your voice in a while, Kuro… And I'm not sure.'_ I sigh, looking at the box. It's actually quite small, big enough to fit inside of a hand. I reach for the note, hesitantly pulling it out and looking at it._

_I blink, stunned to see that Tōshirō's name is written, in his own handwriting, on the note. I sigh, close my eyes, and grip my hands tightly against the bark of the tree._

( Maybe you should read it. )

'Why? It's probably full of crap about me and how he hates me, blah, blah, blah.'

_I don't hear a response, but I can feel her pushing me to open it. Mumbling little nothings to myself, I slowly open my eyes and stare at the paper in my hands before opening it._

_I stare. I stare at the words written on the paper for so long, my eyes begin to sting from needing to blink. But I don't care—the ten words written on the page were hastily written, but I could see a caring touch added almost obscurely._

'Ask Miyamoto to marry you _before_ giving her the ring.'

_I look down at the box in the nest, grabbing it and clumsily open it. The most beautiful white gold ring is staring at me, almost the color of snow. Two gems are intertwined together—one emerald, the other teal._

_My hand flies to my mouth as I stare at the simply ring, the note falling to the ground several feet below me. I slowly reach out, grab the band, and slide it onto my left ring finger. The Sun suddenly hits the metal and it's as if it's a prism, because the entire rainbow spectrum is flying off of the white gold._

"_I'm sorry."_

_I scream, falling off of the branch and down to the ground. However, before I reach the earth, arms circle around me and catch me. I look up, and I see his beautiful eyes staring at me with the utmost care… As if I was a doll._

_I'm staring at him unabashedly, but I don't care. He sets me on the ground and I quickly back away from him, my back hitting a tree. He simply stares at me, his eyes never leaving my face, judging every action that I make._

"_Wh-What?"_

"_I said I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you like I did, or anything. I've been acting like a little bitch around you, and I'm sorry for it. I screwed up. I've been so stressed out and I've been taking it out on you and I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have. It was a complete mistake of mine and I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't even deserve to ask for your hand in marriage after the way I've treated you."_

_My breath is coming in short gasps and I'm finding it so much harder to breathe as I resist the temptation to look at my finger. I want to look into his eyes forever, seeing that beautiful display of emotion I missed so much in them._

"_Still… I have to be selfish and ask… Miyamoto, can you ever forgive me for how I treated you?"_

_I don't know what suddenly overcame me, but I was now laughing as if he had said he was going to try and beat Kenpachi Zaraki in hand-to-hand combat. I couldn't help it. I sober up immediately afterwards, however, as I walk over to him. His face is red in shame and I can tell he's trying his best not to run away from me._

_I lift my left hand up, examining the beautiful ring before taking it off and handing it to him. He simply looks at me in shock and shame, and I shake my head._

"_I'm a bit more traditional than a lot of girls, Tōshirō," I whisper. "I prefer when someone gets down on one knee before I accept their proposal."_

_He doesn't seem to understand as he continues to look at me as if I've gone crazy. I sigh, a small smile on my face as I lean up to his face, kissing him full on the mouth. He doesn't seem to know how to respond, but when he finally does I've already pulled away._

"_I love you, Tōshirō." I pause, realizing how hypocritical I'm being and decide to make things seem more like _me_. "Promise me something… Promise me that, no matter what happens, you'll never leave me. I want to know for sure that you'll be here for me and won't run off when things get tough."_

_His eyes twinkle and his hand reaches up to caress my face. Slowly, he leans down and kisses me softly. He pulls back and his face shows worry._

"_I thought you hated me."_

_I blink, my hands wrapping around his waist._

"_I have never truly hated you, Hitsugaya Tōshirō. I have been to the point where I want to kill you, but never hate."_

_He laughs lightly before backing off from me softly and kneeling down on one knee. My mind almost seems to go blank before he clears his throat and holds the ring in his hands as if it's a precious gem._

"_Miyamoto Aria… Will you accept my hand in marriage?"_

_I smile slowly, holding my left hand out toward him. His hand grasps my wrist softly and, right before my eyes, Hitsugaya Tōshirō places my engagement ring on my finger._

If only that time would happen again. That is certainly one of the best times in my life, and if anything, shows how much my wedding day pales in comparison to my engagement day.

I'm too young for this. I can't do it. It was a mistake to say yes. I don't know what was going through my head. _This is a mistake_!

"T-Taichou… Let me go."

He seems startled at my request and I use this to my advantage, releasing my body from his hold. I step back away from him, my eyes drifting over to the gigantic bed that sat so innocently next to the wall. It was a canopy bed, something that I received as a random gift from Rangiku. She seemed insistent that I own a bed befitting a princess.

Funny how I don't feel like a princess, isn't it?

I walk over to it, my hands rubbing up and down my biceps. I refuse to wipe the make-up off of my face, knowing that I am imperfection incarnate and nothing can ever change that. Slowly, my legs give out on me and I fall on the bed, hugging a giant pillow to my chest and curling into a ball. I bite my lip.

How weak can a person be? How stupid, how abhorrent, how _terrible_ can a person be? I feel as if I am playing hopscotch and I am effortlessly being beaten by every other soul that ever existed. I'm a dead last.

I hear a soft click as Tōshirō's shoe hits the burgundy wood floor as he moves closer to me; a loud, shaky breath goes down my throat and he immediately stops. My eyes are closed tightly and I instinctively curl my body closer.

"Please…"

My voice is hoarse and broken. I can't stand to hear the sound. It's as if thousands upon thousands of needles were being stabbed at my throat, making it raw and itchy. I can't stand the pain.

"What… What happened to you? Miyamoto?" I can hear the pleading in his voice, but still a harsh laugh flies from my throat.

"I am not _Miyamoto_." I feel as if I'm almost sneering at him cynically. "My name is _Hitsugaya_—or did you already forget? Does Holy Matrimony mean _nothing_ to you?"

I grab another pillow and throw it in his general direction; I hear it hitting his calloused hand as he catches it flawlessly.

"… Aria."

"Will you never call me Hitsugaya? You refuse to acknowledge me. Tell me, Tōshirō, please," I sit up, glaring at him; he seems surprised at my sudden movement, but waits for me to finish nonetheless, "Why did you propose to me if you knew you never meant it? Tell me what I did to make you hate me so much as to _marry me_, act as if you _care_, and the _toss me aside_ like that ragdoll on my shelf? On my _wedding day_, nonetheless!"

His response is immediate. "I would never toss you aside, Aria! You are so much more to me than that."

"Why don't I believe you then, you jackass? Why don't I believe you love me?"

My voice cracks from the strength of my screaming, but I don't care. I'm standing in front of him, glaring lethally into his teal eyes. He coldly glares back.

"What do you want from me, Aria?"

I laugh. I can't believe he's asking me this. What do I _want_ from him?

"Give me some answers, you bastard. Give me some _proof_, anything, that you mean it and that you love me. I can never believe you if you can't even do that."

I'm seething and he suddenly growls deep in his throat, the temperature around us dropping heavily. I don't even as much as shiver, instead focusing on him, waiting to see if he'll make a response.

And then he does.

I'm shoved back on the bed, Tōshirō hovering over me, his mouth attacking mine aggressively. I pull at his hair angrily, not at all willing to let him take over like that. I growl, biting at his tongue and he shoves it into my mouth.

I don't dare speak. I can't bare it. This man that lays over me, claiming me as his—he will never be the same man I first met. Walking in the Academy, being hated by every single person around me… I never have to worry about feeling that way again. I've become a powerful Shinigami; no one can take that from me.

As I felt his hands begin to roughly trail down my arms, catching my wrists as he placed them above my head, I gave a small, involuntary moan as I felt his mouth begin to trail down my jaw, his teeth slowly causing bruises to form. I only wondered… How many bruises would I have when morning arrived?

My eyes glanced up at the top of the canopy bed, remembering Rangiku's words upon giving me it. She had told me I deserved to sleep in a bed befitting a princess and, with Tōshirō, I could be just that. Though, no matter how you put it, our story will never be a fairy-tale; it's impossible. I'm too damaged to fit the unattainable goal of princess and his inner demons are too prominent to fit Prince Charming. Our faults shine above everything else, even though we try to hide it. We never succeed… And I can only blame myself.

How is it I fell in love with this man? How is it I never saw the signs that would have told me he would change so drastically and never be the same?

I don't know how long I can do this. I want to break free and show the world that my existence is here to stay—I just don't know how to do that. I want to be my own person and run my _own_ existence. With Tōshirō here… I live for him, not for myself, and there's nothing I can do about it.

And so my mind slowly began to shut down, letting myself succumb to the man I had once loved.

* * *

**Well, that's such a nice ending, don't you think? XD**

**Yeah. Angst. Uhm. I like the flashback? :D**

**I love you, Kitty. :heart:**


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